Van helsing and the great career change
by Logociet
Summary: This is a really stupid story made at 1:00 in the morning by me and my best freind after watching Van Helsing at a sleepover. Since we were so tired and we had eaten waaaaay too much sugar this story has almost no storyline or point whatsoever. So don't e


**Disclaimer: I do not own Van Helsing, Bob, a cow, a hair salon, a pirate song, or anything else you might find in this story.**

Van Helsing, And The Great Career Changes

After the sad death of his one true love he decided to give up monster slaying for hair dressing because he noticed with all the monster killing he was doing his hair really suffered.

Instead of the long locks of hair he usually had, which were completely out of fashion, he now had his hair in a very spiky Mohawk.

One day when he was in his salon he recognized old friend this was Frankenstein's monster which was now named Bob. Bob wanted some hair because he felt ugly because the islands that he came from was full of dark haired ladies that normally didn't ware much at all.

So Van Helsing got out his extra-strength hair growth formula which he then dumped all over Bob.

"Now," said Van, "It'll take about an hour or so before you start to see any effects."

An hour went and suddenly hair started sprouting from the once bald Bob. In the matter of five minuets bob had hair that was down to his feet and there was no stopping. Van kept on cutting the hair but the more he cut the more it grew.

Bob screamed, "What have you done!" All that Van could say is, "I think I used a bit to much."

Van shooed Bob out and poor Bob went through the rest of his life with everyone thinking he was a Big Foot.

Back to Van.

Van decided he was fed up with being a hairdresser and instead he decided to go COW TIPPING! MWAHAHAHAHAH! (A/N I will try not to be as evil in future). Now Van had no idea what cow tipping involved so almost as fast as he had come up with that idea he gave it up.

So he sat there and thought of what to do.

A cricket chirped.

A random cow walked by, chewed some cud and mooed.

A random voice then said, "Too bad you're not going cow tipping now eh!"

Aha I have changed my mind Van remembered one of Dracula's girlfriends picked up a cow and throw it. After remembering this he had a go. But unfortunately he half lifted the cow and the very heavy cow landed on top of him. Unfortunately he found out he had broken both his legs. So again he had to find another career.

He finally decided that he'd become a doctor. Because

He could fix his legs

He could have a laugh slicing people open

He was just plain out of ideas

So he took his knife, cut both his legs off so he could get free from the cow. Then he crawled to the nearest hospital.

Because Van cut off his legs all the hospital could do was to give him two wooden legs to replace the ones that he cut off. Van was very proud of his new legs he liked them so much he decided to rename himself Van Wood (Also this was easer to say).

This in turn gave Van yet another bright idea. He decided he'd be a pirate instead of a doctor.

So he took a sword, cut his way out of the hospital singing: A PIRATES LIFE IS MEANT TO BE, TRIM THE SAILS AND ROAM THE SEA!"

Van travelled all the way to the nearest dock where he bought a ship and then he realised that if he was to be captain he would need to buy a parrot. Unfortunately Van had battled with an evil parrot which was half tiger, with this still fresh in his memory he decided to have a snake on his shoulder, which he renamed Hannah (after his one true love).

Unfortunately he didn't realise that the snake was in fact a constrictor. So it wrapped itself around his neck and almost choked him.

Luckily he was saved (well almost) just in time by cannon fire from another ship. A cannonball went through his ship, hit him and the snake and propelled him out the other side into the ocean.

Unfortunately for Van he could not swim nor could the snake but at this moment he was not worried about the snake because it had tried to kill him. Anyway back to Van. He couldn't swim so he took his wooden legs and used them as a raft and went to the nearest island/

On that island he drowned his sorrows in some much-deserved alcohol (not that he hadn't already almost been drowned)/

"What's wrong with you then?" asked the barman.

"I can't find a job," mumbled the half drunk Van."

"Well if you don't drink all the booze you could work here."

Once again Van had a different Job this was bartending.

And for once nothing strange, weird or wonderful happened that would have made him change his job. So he stayed as a bartender serving drinks and drinking drinks until he finally died at the age of forty from liver poisoning.


End file.
